Grief comes in Waves
Grief is not linear. Learn why grief comes in waves, what coping with loss really looks like, and how grief therapy can support healing at your own pace.
Grief Is Not Linear: Coping With Loss and Finding Support Through Grief Therapy
One of the most common things people say when they are grieving is:
“I thought I was doing better… and then it hit me again.”
If this resonates with you, you are not doing grief wrong. Grief is not linear, and your experience is a natural response to loss.
Understanding the non-linear nature of grief can be an important step in coping with loss and reducing the shame many people feel when emotions resurface unexpectedly.
The Myth of “Moving On” After Loss
Many people believe grief follows a predictable path with clear stages and a finish line. This belief can make people feel discouraged or broken when their grief doesn’t fade on schedule.
In reality, grief does not move in straight lines.
You don’t “move on” from loss—you learn how to live with it. Healing from grief is not about forgetting or leaving someone behind; it is about integrating the loss into your life in a way that allows you to keep living.
What It Means That Grief Is Not Linear
When we say grief is not linear, we mean that emotions do not steadily improve over time. Instead, grief often shows up in waves.
Non-linear grief may look like:
- Feeling okay one day and deeply sad the next
- Being triggered by a song, scent, place, or anniversary
- Experiencing grief months or even years after a loss
- Holding joy and sadness at the same time
This fluctuation does not mean you are regressing. It means your nervous system and emotional world are responding to something meaningful.
Grief returns because love remains.
Why Grief Comes Back When You Think You’re “Coping”
Grief often resurfaces during life transitions or moments of change. New relationships, milestones, aging, or unexpected stressors can all reopen layers of grief.
This is common in experiences such as:
- The death of a loved one
- Pregnancy loss or infertility
- Divorce or relationship loss
- Loss of identity, health, or future expectations
Each stage of life may bring a new way of coping with loss, even if the loss itself happened long ago.
There Is No Timeline for Grief
One of the hardest parts of grief is comparison—comparing your healing to others or to where you think you should be by now.
There is no correct timeline for grief.
There is no “too long.”
There is no single way to grieve.
Your grief is personal because your relationship was personal.
What Healing From Grief Really Looks Like
Healing does not mean the absence of pain.
Healing from grief means:
- The waves may soften over time
- You gain more capacity to hold difficult emotions
- Grief becomes integrated into your life, not erased
You may still feel sadness, longing, or tenderness—but these feelings can coexist with connection, meaning, and moments of peace.
How Grief Therapy Can Help
Grief therapy provides a compassionate space to explore loss without judgment or pressure to “get over it.” Therapy is not about fixing grief—it is about understanding it, honoring it, and learning how to carry it with greater ease.
Grief and loss counseling can help you:
- Normalize your grief experience
- Reduce isolation and self-blame
- Develop tools for coping with loss
- Process unresolved or complicated grief
Support can be especially helpful if you feel stuck, overwhelmed, or alone in your grief.